The First Nine

So, a lot can happen in nine months. You can finish a school year. You can grow an entire human being.

You can find out, at the age of 30, that you have cancer. Not just any cancer either, but stage 4 colon cancer that has grown through your colon and into your liver.

You can get this news. You can quietly freak out about it while visiting various doctors.

You can cry. You can pray.

You can talk to more doctors. You can learn that stage 4 cancer means that the disease has moved from its original location; it does not mean the loss of all hope like you once thought.

You can decide that the best thing for your family is to relocate back to your home town for as long as it takes to get rid of this disease. 

You can be overwhelmed by the kindness of friends, the thoughtfulness of strangers. You can, for possibly the first time ever, physically feel the power of their prayers.

You can make the choice to be thankful. You can praise God for the blessings in your life. You can thank Him that you have a roof over your family's head, an understanding job, and doctors you trust.

You can go through twelve rounds of chemotherapy.

You can have a procedure that cuts off blood flow to the diseased side of your liver so the good side can grow in preparation for surgery.

You can be simultaneously amazed, grateful, and creeped out that the liver can do that.

You can, three weeks prior to the surgery you have been awaiting for nine months, feel not nervous like you thought, but excited. Excited for this final step. Excited to return to normal life.

And you can decide that now is as good a time as any to write about it.

There's a book called Haggai?

So, despite the fact that I haven't been posting, I have still been reading! I'm not following a plan right now, just reading where I am lead. Which is how I ended up reading the entire book of Haggai. It sounds impressive, but the whole book is only two chapters.

There was actually a lot to get out of this tiny book, but what jumped out at me was verse 4: "But now be strong, Zerubbabel,' declares the Lord. 'Be strong, Joshua son of Jozadak, the high priest. Be strong, all you people of the land,' declares the Lord, 'and work. For I am with you,' declares the Lord Almighty."

God's people were supposed to be rebuilding his temple, and they were being comforted that He was with them during a time of intense, hard work.

Sidenote: this is how you know I am a mother of a toddler. Any time I read the Old Testament, or hear a passage during church, my mind immediately turns the people into vegetables. Joshua leading the people around Jericho? Larry the Cucumber. Jonah and the big fish? Archibald the Asparagus. The Israelites marching through the desert? Peas, cucumbers, carrots, grapes, squash....all hopping along in appropriate Bible costumes. Yes, this is what my brain does during sermons. Perfectly normal, right?


Anyway, I love my job. I've now been there about nine months. And though it probably has more to do with my new blood, I am finally feeling like I have the hang of how things work, and am trying to get out of my normal antisocial bubble. All of this is to say, after I read Haggai, I remembered that work is always easier when I remember the Lord is with me. This goes for fun work, but also the stuff I really hate to do, like personal work - paying bills, cleaning the house, disciplining Ophelia. 

It is so, so easy to get frustrated and feel completely weak and helpless, whether I am at my job doing something new for the first time, or at home dealing with a temperamental three year old. But remembering that the Lord is with me acts as a balm to my spirit. At work, I have a little set of bible verses on my desk that I can quickly glance at throughout the day to help me bring my focus back. I actually find it easier to "be strong" at work sometimes...I have my own office, I am on my own time schedule, I can take a five minute break to rest and focus on God's Word. At home, I am at the mercy of the almost three year old's schedule, and I struggle mightily sometimes with taking that much needed break to refocus. It is actually quite hard to remember that God is there when you find yourself trying to make dinner, ignore the mess, and give full focus to family.


However, I will honestly say that in the last two months, since the "new blood," my mind has been more focused. I have gotten frustrated much less often, I am able to handle what would have previously been extremely stressful situations, and I feel like I am able to give much more focused attention to all areas of my life...work, family, and fun. That energy has extended to reading the Bible and refocusing on my relationship with God, which has in turn helped me to be strong and know that God is with me, in everything. 


It's easy for other people to say, just read the Bible! It can be just plain difficult to find the time - to make the time - to read. Yes, I admit, I often have time to watch television, yet I can't seem to find the time to read even a verse. I think it has been those times in my life - the times when I spend all my free time watching television - that I can feel the frustration and weakness growing day by day, minute by minute. But starting with the one verse during the day makes a noticeable difference in my frame of mind, and that has everything to do with remembering that I am not strong - God is strong for me.

Moving Hearts

"...everyone whose heart God had moved... prepared to go up and build the house of the Lord in Jerusalem. All their neighbors assisted them with articles of silver and gold, with goods and livestock, and with valuable gifts, in addition to all the freewill offerings." Ezra 1:5-6

The Jews returned to Israel after 70 years in captivity and began to rebuild the Lord's temple. Every family pitched in, as did neighbors and non-Jews.

As people, as Americans, we are very good at helping others immediately after a time of crisis. September 11, Katrina, Joplin...our reaction is often swift and strong. But it is so easy to forget the lasting effects of such disasters; to move on with our lives after we have put in our time helping.

Despite the incredible length of time the Jews were in captivity, the desire to rebuild, to help, was still strong, because God moved their hearts. I can only hope that my heart will be so moved both now and in the future. I so frequently am wrapped up in my own life and struggles that I don't even do the simplest thing for other people...pray. When we have no money, when we have no time, when we have no resources...we can still pray. Pray for those still suffering the effects of the big disasters. Pray for those suffering the day to day tragedies. And pray for those who do have the money, the time, and the resources, that their hearts too will be moved.

Inductive Study

I am one of those people that needs lists and charts to get and stay motivated. I get bored with long term projects pretty easily, or I just lose my motivation. That has definitely happened with my Bible reading! Plus, it doesn't help that every time I start a Bible Reading Plan with the intent to read all the way through the Bible, it starts me out at the beginning. I have read Genesis, Exodus, and Leviticus ... I'm not even sure how many times.

So, I'm doing something new. I thought about making myself a sticker chart, but then I remembered that I'm not a preschooler. Unlike somebody I know...

So I did some googling, and decided that Inductive Bible Study would be perfect for me. I found this type of Bible Study, which I had heard of way back when I worked at a Baptist Church, and so far it is pretty fantastic.

I decided to start in Psalm and Proverbs, just one of each per day. I bought myself a pack of 50 colored pencils, and went to town. I wasn't really sure how it would work, but it really does make you focus on the key words and phrases, and by extension the important themes and ideas, in each chapter.

One of the more interesting aspects of this study method is how it gets you to focus on contrasts. For example, in Psalm 1, it contrasts those who obey God's law versus those who don't. The author uses what I'll call "plant imagery" -- which I conveniently underlined in green! -- to contrast the blessed versus the wicked. Before I started this inductive method, I would have read the chapter once, but I probably would not have paid much attention to such details. This time around, I can appreciate the contrast between a tree that prospers and does not wither, and chaff that the wind blows away.

Proverbs 1 was a little more difficult, and not just because it was a lot longer. Proverbs, at least so far, is a lot heavier on the "key words," where the Psalms are largely about contrasting ideas. (This is after reading exactly two books of each, so this very astute observation may change.) But it is, I think, enlightening to know just how many times in one chapter Solomon uses words like wisdom, understanding, discipline, and knowledge. In particular, he writes of Wisdom as if it were an actual being not to be ignored. Wisdom "calls aloud ... raises her voice ... cries out." I have a much more visceral reaction to that kind of Wisdom than I do to the general idea of being wise like Solomon.

All in all, I think this Bible Study method might actually work for me. Added benefits - my Bible looks pretty, and I can tell exactly what I have read and what I haven't.

Wisdom and Prayer

"Wait until I find out what the Lord commands concerning you." Numbers 9:8

The notes on this passage are exactly on target.. 'Sometimes we face predicaments where the most obvious solution might cause us to compromise God's standards. Like Moses, we should use wisdom and prayer to reach a workable solution.'

I do not do this. I mean, I do, but not like I should. I usually try to figure things out for myself first. This usually results in days, weeks, even months of struggling before I finally remember that I don't have to rely on my own smarts or skills. It is so much like how a toddler lives that it is almost embarrassing.

Ophelia is in that phase where she wants to do things "all by me-self." Sometimes she does a great job at whatever new thing she is trying to do. Often, she makes a big old mess that I try and get her to help clean up. And a lot of times she will get fed up and frustrated, but she still won't accept the help that her parents offer. This is so exactly how I live my life with God that it is not amusing. I'd like to think that I am a little more grown up than my two year old, but it turns out...not so much.

New goal: try not to act like a two year old.

Even a cute one.

Internet Woes

Is there a Bible verse about not going crazy when you don't have internet for two months? I know it's not exactly a life struggle a la Job, but I certainly felt disconnected from the rest of the world! Now that we are finally settled in our new home, (and hooked up to the www) it is time to get back to the Word. Unfortunately, I didn't just take these last two months off of the internet - I admit I have not read the Bible like I should have.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Psalm 51:10-12 


We used to sing a song in church based on these verses. It is always a refreshing, renewing reminder of God's love and patience.

If all goes according to plan, we are hoping to start a garden in a community plot this year. I pray that we can use this season as a time of growth as a family, as individuals, and as servants.

Decking the Halls

The Christmas reading for yesterday was Exodus 25. In this chapter, God gives detailed instructions for decorating the Tabernacle that would be the Lord's dwelling place. As the additional reading points out, all of those details must have had a purpose. They may have been symbolic, they may have been designed to remind the people of God's promises.

How do we decorate for the holidays? Or, more to the point, why do we decorate? Is it simply so that it will "feel like the holidays" around our homes? I have to admit that yes, that is definitely part of why I like to decorate immediately after Thanksgiving.

This year, obviously, we could not do much decorating since we are in the process of moving. In fact, we just took down what little decorations we had up and put them in boxes. But as soon as we get to the new house, you can bet those decorations will go right back up. My favorite thing that we put up is our Nativity. It looks so pretty and fancy, but really, we got all of the pieces individually at the dollar store. I love how Ophelia likes to point out Mary, Joseph, and Jesus.

We used to relegate the Nativity to a table or a back room. Now that we have (and will have at the new house) a mantle above the fireplace, it is the perfect place to display the representation of what this Season is truly about. We've been reading books to Ophelia about Christmas - how it is Jesus' birthday, and Jesus is God's gift to us. In the coming years, I hope to be more thoughtful with our Christmas decorations, and use them not only to get in the "holiday spirit," but also to celebrate the blessing that God gave to us through Jesus.